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Monday, May 31, 2010

Am I Man Enough for This Kind of Stress???

Sometimes I think it's me........Maybe all of this shit is my fault. Perhaps I should have just let her treat me any kind of way, embarrass me publicly, tell my children crazy shit about their father......would I have peace then? When I'm with my sons and my daughter, I'm at a place of happiness that I wish everyone could experience. When she shows up, that moment is immediately obliterated, gone, until the next day when I see my youngins again.

I'm stressed the fuck out!!

I'm currently in search of a place of my own. I live with a frat brother, who has been exceptionally kind to me. But I'm not surprised. He has had to pull on me in a similar situation. Just glad he was able to help a brutha out. So I'm looking for a place. Got a number of things to consider. Shit is already tight with our finances. Where in the fuck am I gonna get money for rent at another place??? Who am I kidding? I'm broke as a muthafukka. But if I go back, we will do more damage.....more fighting in front of the kids, more negativity, stress for both of us. Can I realistically find another place, pay for it, and continue to make the contribution that will keep my children taken care of??? Is she going to take me for all I've got? That's a fucking joke!!! A nigga doesn't have shit!

I'm stressed the fuck out!! And I'm confused!!

Will she turn into something worse when she gets documentation from my attorney explaining the terms of the seperation? Will she cooperate? Will she try to take my kids away?

Short blog tonight. Can't sleep. Can't think straight. Gotta make a move. I'm stressed the fuck out!! I'm confused. I'm hurt. I'm afraid. I'm horny. Did I say stressed?? Shit. Maybe a hit of the blunt and a nutt will help me sleep.......tonight.

Any thoughts??

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Tiffany and Phillip....

The more I spend trying to get my life together, I'm realizing that there are multiple levels to the emotions and desires that I experience on a daily basis. My relationship with my wife is getting worse. I am coming to the realization that we just may need to end things and focus on raising our children. At this point, we don't even like each other. I know I can't go back to the house. Too much has happened. Too much has been said. Our shit is pretty fucked up. And the only way for either of us to realize peace is probably away from each other.

To add more drama to my chaotic life, there are two other people in my life that I enjoy having around. "Tiffany"is my road ride or die drinkin buddy. I met her years ago at jazz lounge. She stood center stage in front of a pretty good rhythm section, belting out some of the greatest standards......Don't mean a thing, A-Train, all old stuff that night. But the girl was killin. She finished her set. Some how we ended up at the bar sitting next to each other at the bar, talking shit. I love the way Tiffany can just roll with the punches. She doesn't care what you say around her. She can cuss and talk shit with the best of niggas. A sexy little petite thing. Dark, smooth skin. Sexy ass lips that reveal that she can kiss a nigga into a frenzy, and suck the shit out of a dick. Tiffany works out. She has the face of porn star, Jada Fire, far more tight and petite than that bitch.

Tiffany and I closed the lounge out that night. We talked, drank, ate, joked. And that was it. We kept in contact. I would always come to hear her and we would follow the same routine every other night. Tiffany is an attorney for a major law firm. That's another reason we clicked. Bitch is quick on her feet. A smart ass, sarcastic, ├Żet witty nukka. I love it.

Eventually, Tiffany and I got a lot closer. We shared intimate details about our lives. I got free legal counsel. She got a free musician (yeah, I'm a keyboard player too -- I got more jobs than a fuckin Jamaican). Like I said, that's my ride or die bitch.

One night, after leaving the bar, Tiffany asked me to give her a ride home (which was often our custom). No problem. I drove her to her posh high rise condo in the city, and walked her in and helped myself to a glass of Hennessey. It was an early night. We didn't drink. Just had a bite to eat and went to her place. Tiffany changed clothes and was walking around her apartment in a skimpy ass robe. "Bitch you need to put on some clothes. You got company", I told her. "Company???? Muufucka, you ain't nobody. You like lookin at this phat ass anyway." That's my nigga. Always got a quick fuckin response. But this time, I jumped out there. "Yo, you need to stop playin before I rip that shit off and turn you the fuck out. Your pussy ain't ever been eaten the way I do it." This bitch stood up, with a drink in her hand, let her robe fall to her ankles, bit her bottom lip, and said, "come make this pussy squirt nigga." WTF????? I was blown and aroused at the same time. I wasn't gonna be a bitch though. In seconds, I took a shot of Hennessey, and was on my knees with a mouth full of bald pussy. Tiffany grabbed the back of my head and talked shit while I ate her shit out. She was standing over me fucking the shit out of my face. I was loving it, and she was too. She told me to come to the bedroom. "Nah. Tonight is all about you." I took her over to the wet bar in her apartment and lifted her up so she was sitting on the bar. Legs wide open. "Nigga kiss me", I told her. She did. "Now finish eatin this pussy." And that's what the fuck I did. I licked, sucked, and tugged her shit so much til she came three different times. And my nigga was serious making her pussy squirt. My shirt was drenched, covered in her juices. That's all we did that night. But Tiffany and I hook each other up regularly. Sometimes I'll call her and say "Nigga, I need some." And she will say, "Let's do it muufucka." Sometimes we do oral, fuck, or just lay up. No one catches feelings. And we are still tight as shit.

Then there is "Phillip". I met him at a company fundraiser. Older dude. Looks a bit like actor, Idris Elba. He works out 5 days a week. And sure as hell doesn't look 45 years old. Phil and I exchanged information and would often meet for lunch or an early dinner. One day he invited me over. Wanted to cook for me. I showed up to his house hungry. Phil always talks shit about how well he cooks. So I came looking to be impressed. He did NOT disappoint a brutha. Lamb chops over rice pilaf and asparagus. The meal was wonderful. Phil put on some soft jazz and made a most interesting request. "Lay with me for a while." I didn't have a problem with that. I was actually hoping to at least get a kiss. Phil walked into his bedroom and called for me to join him. When I got in the bedroom, he was naked. His body was perfect. I was embarrassed to be so much younger than him and not have a body like that. "Whatever", I thought. This is what you get. I quickly lost my clothes and climbed into bed with this big nigga (Phil is 6'5"and all muscle). We laid there for a couple of hours. Held each other, kissed each other, felt each other, and fell asleep with each other. When I woke up, prepared to leave, Phil told me, "I have a present for you". In seconds he had my dick in his mouth. He played with the head of my shit with his tongue while he stroked the shaft. I laid there, biting my lip, grinding on his face, and letting him hear my approval. But this nigga wasn't finished. He suddenly lifted my legs up and proceed to eat my ass. I damn near lost my mind. Phil played with my hole and jacked my dick till i nutted all over my stomach and chest. Some of the nutt got on his neck. Shit was hot. Phil and I talk every day and see each other quite often. He is a cool dude. And he has become a great friend over time.

Between Tiffany and Phillip, a nigga is really getting to understand the meaing of being "turned out."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Gargamel's On the Way......

The last six or seven days have been wonderful!! My wife has been on travel. I love this time of year because of the chaotic schedule that her job requires her to adhere to. Her travel schedule gives me quality time with my kids. Not that there is a need for more. Don't get it twisted. I am Mr. AAU Basketball/Pop Warner Football Dad of Muthafukkin America.

I go to everything. Will cancel a trip, leave a meeting early....whatever. I love spending time with my children. But there is something about having them all to myself. No sitting around wondering what crazy statement will come out of her mouth. No having to have my oldest son tell me "there she goes again", when my wife pops off at the mouth with something that they don't even need to hear. It is a breath of fresh air to be with my kids.....ALONE.

But it was all about to come to an end. Her flight had just landed at the airport, and she was on the way home. And while I'm not staying in our home anymore, knowing that she was back in the same state bothered my spirit. I moved out some weeks ago and am staying with a frat brother. I still come and pick up my youngins for school and drop them off. I go to every practice, game, concert, doctor's appointment. I just don't stay there. And even though I would leave the moment she got to the house, I was disgusted that I was about to see her. I'd have to look at her extreme disdain toward me as I left our home at some time after midnight, instead of going upstairs to bed.

I knew that her disposition would be funky upon her arrival. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood to be fuckin with her. So I decided to take the advice of Katt Williams and get some "fuck it" in my system. "I'm gonna roll a J", I figured.

Yeah, weed is an important part of my life. That shit has kept many a mutha fukka from getting their throats cut. A hit of the blunt is what I needed to make sure I didn't give a shit about anything she might say when she walked in the door. So I went to the basement, and with great care and precision, rolled a phatty. Walked my ass to the back yard and lit the bitch with the intent to be silly as shit when Gargamel got here.

I smile whenever I call her Gargamel, as I remember the Smurfs. Was one of my favorite cartoons (All of you Spongebob fans.......FUCK YOU! Ole cross-dressing, jelly fish chasin, queen biatch). Gargamel was an old magician that continually fucked with the smurfs. That queen didn't have anything else to do with his life except making every effort to make things difficult for them. Whenever he wasn't fuckin with them, he was playing with that stupid ass cat, Azriel. That's how my wife has been for over 12 years. Always fuckin with a nigga. Sometimes, I wanna go and buy the silly bitch a scrawny ass cat and tell her to leave us Smurfs the fuck alone!

Anyway, I came back in the house 'nice'. Nothing mattered. I was in a zone all by myself and didn't feel any pain. When my wife called to let me know that she was en route, I smiled and started humming the Smurf theme song. "She better not fuck with me tonight", I thought. It didn't matter. The kids were asleep. I went and kissed them and sat downstairs waiting for Gargamel to return.

What the Fuck Happened???

Every day I try to figure out how I got here. Where did I fail? What did I do? Was it a lie from the beginning? WTF???

I married the love of my life. Flew the wedding party out to Houston, TX (her hometown), had a ridiculously expensive wedding and reception. Got gifts and money out that ass. Spent years building a life, doing what all "happily married couples" do, right? Not so much.

The problem was this.......I let my marriage fail. I married the woman I wanted. We have three wonderful children. She's an interesting woman. Strong-willed (much to my chagrin), intelligent (and she knows it), stubborn, often mean-spirited, and sometimes hateful. But I loved her. Let her carry on like a 10-year old at times. Watched her publicly embarrass me. Listened to her speak negatively to me in the presence of my kids. But damn--I loved her dirty fuckin drawls!!

So the quick and dirty is this........ After years of resenting her for the way she is, hating who I've become as a result of our relationship, and just not even wanting to co-exist within the same airspace as my wife, I checked out. Conversations were a rarity. Dates never occured. I focused on being the best father to my children, and trying to heal, and eventually, find out who the fuck I am.

As my marriage went down a 12-year downward spiral, I also realized that I have an affinity for men. I enjoy holding a brutha and being held by him. I love looking at his fine ass, whether he is cut, or got a little beer belly. That means the nigga is healthy and likes to eat. Shit. So do I!! I love playing with his piece and having him play with mine. And depending on my mood, I love taking the ass or giving it up. Yeah.......a brutha is verse. And the reality is that my marriage was going to fail anyway. But this shit didn't help. My marriage is fucked up. I like dudes. I still want pussy......just not hers. Shit!!! How the fuck did I get there?

No deep epiphany. No abuse as a child. I had been curious all my life. One day, after a major fight, I went away on travel. My wife and I weren't on any kind of decent speaking terms. And I didn't give a fuck. Went to Philly for a conference. I called a friend of mine that knew about my situation. "Sharon" and I went to school together. She finished undergrad a year before me. But we managed to stay in contact for years. Before I got married, we used to fuck like rabbits. Sharon would show me shit I had never seen before. Taught me how to eat pussy in a manner comparable to most lesbians.

I got to Philly and immediately called Sharon. "Come through. I got company, but you my nigga." I thought, "Cool. Gonna fuck two pussies tonight. That's wassup!" Showered up and threw on some sweats, a hoody, and some timbs. It was March. Pretty cold out. I drove out to Sharon's place. I love her nasty ass. Bitch came to the door butt ass naked. Sharon was always in incredible shape. Nice little 4-pack. Muscular thighs. Beautifully feminine physique but would fuck a nigga up if she had to. Pilates is a bitch. She opened the door and jumped up on me, straddling me. "Nigga!! How are you? I missed your Rican ass!" (I'm a Puerto Rican/Black mutt). My dick instantly got hard as shit. And she could tell. I rarely wear underwear. Just a habit since childhood. Sharon grabbed my piece and said, "Glad to see me too, huh? Comon. We started without you." That's wassup!! She took my hand and guided me upstairs and told me to take my clothes off. I tripped up the steps coming out of my boots and sweats. We get to the bedroom and laying on her bed is a carbon copy of NFL football player,Jason Taylor. Dick stickin up in the air and he is strokin. Didn't look shocked to see me. But my bottom lip hit the floor!! "Sup bruh." "Charles" said. "Heyyyyy......" I was blown. Sharon hopped in the bed and Charles started eating the pussy. "Comon son. You want some of this sweet pussy?" OHHHHHHHH. I'm cool now.

I hopped in and we started turning Sharon out. I took over and ate the shit out of Sharon. I love eating pussy. That shit is an art form. I do miss eating my wife's pussy. Sharon's twat was bald and pretty as shit. I commenced to doing what she taught me. She grabbed the back of my head and started fucking my face. Charles moved over and let me do my thing. After about 10 minutes of intense pussy tasting, Charles reached under me and started playing with my now hard dick. WTF???? I stopped and looked at him. "You aiight with this?" I was already excited having him watch me and Sharon. I turned back to Sharon and let him play with my stiff dick. Eventually, he had me in his mouth. I loved it. He took his time deep throating my shit. Later, I sucked his. We fucked the shit out of Sharon. Then he and I 69'd. Tasting Sharon's juices on his dick made me nutt all over the place. Needless to say, I love Philly. Charles and I are thick as thieves to this day.