People all around the world are celebrating the start of a new year. Some nations have already begun the celebration. Various people throughout the states are getting ready to watch the ball drop, give birth to a New Year's baby, say "I do" to the love of their lives, or shout at Holiness Pentacostal Church of the Lord's Disciples in Christ African Methodist Episcopal Church of God in Christ.
Either way, it's time to bring in the New Year.
I'm excited about the possibilities that await me in 2011, but I am compelled to remember all of the events, experiences, successes, and failures of this year. It has been a year to remember, often taking me to places I would love to forget. I have to remember all of the things that I experienced, whether good or bad, in order to grow and learn. At the same time, I have made a decision to let go of the place that I allowed myself to end up emotionally, mentally, spiritually.......
After all, the messes in my life all led to experiences and people that I want to carry with me into the next year.
My life with Gargamel pushed me to a place of lonliness that I had never experienced before. But I ended up meeting Immanuel, who convinced me to create a blog. Never before have I been so free to express who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. Blogging led to connection with folks like Cogito, Josh, Flowers, Caesar, Raw Leather Daddy, and Annonymous (my Raleigh brotha from another motha).
I have learned so many things about myself this year:
I can go for SMALL extended periods without my meds or green (not gonna do that shit on the regular) without hangin a muufukka from a tree.
I have people in my life who are experiencing the same shit and have wisdom to strengthen and encourage me.
I CAN experience love and compassion from folks without pushing them away for fear of trusting and letting them in.
Depression doesn't have to own me. I can manage it while I'm on the way to whuppin his ASS!!
Finally, I learned that I'm a halfway decent dad. I have three beautiful children that love me as much as I adore them. And despite my past, and current shit, I have managed to somehow do right by them. And maybe I AM a good dad, despite what Gargamel thinks.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.