Who Do I Wanna Be???

I was taking my oldest son to a basketball practice the other day.  We're in the car, he's got his ipod out and headphones on.  I've got the radio pumpin...the usual transportation mode.  Every now and then, one of us brings up something funny or interesting.  All of sudden, my son takes off his headphones, and asked me a question that shook me.

"Dad, how old were you when you decided who you wanted to be???"

"You can be anything you want to be.  You just have to work hard, and believe in yourself.", I told him. 

My pre-teen son then said, "Nah dad.  I got time to figure out what I want to be or do.  But I think I need to decide WHO I want to be now."

WOW!!!!  Part of me was proud has shyt because of the way my first-born is beginning to process things, think about life.  Just a mature lil muffukka.  But another part of me was taken aback and completely blown, simply because I'm a grown ass man.....three times my kid's age......a father of three.....failed marriage.....failed ministry.......living in a hostile environment (and prolly too scared to change that).  And at the end of the day, I'm now trying to figure out who the fukk I wanna be.  DAYUM!!

The reality is that I don't like who I've become as a result of my marriage.  Why did I allow myself to go through the shit that was thrown at me?  Why didn't I get out sooner?  Why didn't I stand up and say, "It's not gonna be like this anymore"

Who have I become???

Why did I believe her when she would say things to emasculate me?  Why would my peace depend solely on her happiness?  Why would I respond ONLY in ways that I knew would appease her?

What the fukk was I thinking?  Who have I become??

Why didn't I ever put myself first?  Why did my universe center around her?  Why did I allow sooooo many friendships to come to an end because SHE didn't approve?

Who have I become?

I didn't have an exact answer for my son.  But I told him this......

"I wanna be your dad, and the best one I can.  I wanna be someone who loves himself, so that I can love you and everyone else around me.  I wanna be that dude that can be honest and real with his feelings, and not be afraid to put them out in the atmosphere.  I wanna be the man who takes everything he's been through, grow from it, and use those things to help you be who YOU wanna be."

My 12-year old, looked at me (all proud and shyt), put his earphones back in, and said..."Aiight bet.  But you didn't have to preach to me dad.", laughing.

"Get out of my car and get to practice!", I told him, after smackin the back of his head.  Ole fukka!! 

"Love ya, dad"

I Love Her.....

Millian Blu is one of my favorites.  Love this Dominican mami.  And when she nutts, you get all of that shit.  Dayum.

Enjoy.......or not.

Creamy Millian Blu - Pornhub.com

Sacrifice.......WTF???

I had a talk with my brother today.  I wanted to get his thoughts on the sacrifices that parents make for their children.  Of course, he mentioned all of the typical shit......financial, time, resources.  The regular shit that a good parent is supposed to do for their kids.  Hell, the reality is, if you brought them into this world, that's your responsibility......feed them, clothe them, teach them, protect them, make sure they don't end up being complete assholes, the regular shit. 

I agreed with all of that.  But I have been thinking about the sacrifices that parents make to stay together for the sake of their kids.  Healthy or unhealthy??  Everyone has an opinion.  I agree that staying just for your kids is not necessarily the best decision.  They are smart lil fukkers.  They know your shit is dysfunctional. They know you fight and argue every fukkin night.  They know you sleep in another part of the house, and you can't stand each other.  They know it.

My boys know all of that.  They know that I don't say much to her.  They know that I will leave the house to get away from her, or go to another part of the house, so as to not argue with the bitch.  They also acknowledge that while daddy is hard on them, Gargamel is a psycho bitch.  When I leave the house, my sons call me to see how long it will be before I get home.  I get shit like, "She yells all the time", or "She won't help me...says I should ask you", or "Why don't you ask your father."

A bunch of bullshit!  When Gargamel and I argue, she takes it out on the boys.  Doesn't respond to my baby girl the same way.  I hate having them in the middle.  I don't have the fukkin financial resources to dip and take them.  My lil niggas take up all my damn money with school, sports, food and clothes.  Niggas eat like a muufukka.

They love the bitch, as they should.  But they constantly beg me to stay, or come back soon, or take them with me. 

I just got home from a business trip.  My oldest called me all fukkin weekend begging me to hurry up, cause the bitch kept kirkin off. 

Completely frustrated.  Ya'll know where to find me.  Rollin a Jay and makin a drink.

Later

Miss Ya'll....But Check This...

So, after the flu, gettin back to work, and then getting the kids healthy again, I just wanted to let ya'll know that I haven't forgotten about ya.  Back in a minute with some good shit. 

But let this video (another favorite) help you squeeze one out.

Miss Ya'll

Later.
Black cock in black hole: "Black cock in black hole"

Check Out Tattoo Johnnys...

So I'm sitting in the house, sick with the muufukkin flu!  Pissed like a bitch.  Tired, unable to eat, and got the fukkin bubbly guts.  SHIT!  It's 2am, and a nigga can't sleep. 

I'm up contemplating what I'm gonna do for my birthday.  You see, my birthday is in March, but I celebrate that muufukka all damn month.  A fukkin extravaganza.  Time with the kids and family.  Nights out with friends, co-workers, and other bitches that I don't really care for, but wanna buy a nigga a shot.  OKAY!!!

Anyway, for my birthday, I'm treating myself to another couple of tattoos.  So, I'm going back to the company that I love so much.  I want to recommend to you......Tattoo Johnny's.   www.tattoojohnny.com. 

They have access to thousands of artists worldwide.  You simply go to the site, browse through designs, and pick the shit you like.  Pay $15 or so and immediately download a picture and a stencil of the tatt you chose.  Take that shit to the shop of your choice, and there you go.  A couple of my tatts were designed by some due in Little Rock, Arkansas, and another from Berlin, Germany. 

Check em out.  They are the shit.