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Friday, November 25, 2011

A Different Thanksgiving...

Wasn't sure how I was gonna handle this Thanksgiving.  I've been struggling with tryna have some damn peace in my life living up in here with this crazy bitch.  Gargamel has been in rare form.  Complaining, starting arguments, stompin round da house like a spoiled , angry, bi-polar, schizo, retarded bitch on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.  But on Tuesdays and Saturdays, da bitch wanna halfway be friendly.  DA FUKK??

On top of that, my mother is back in the hospital.  Actually, she's been in and out over the past few months.  I don't really write bout it too much.  Guess I'm struggling tryna handle the shit.  Mom is 68 years young.  Until a few months ago, she was completely independent.  Drive, shop, work out.  All of that shit.  Well, she recently had her second nervous breakdown.  The first one happened when I was about 12.  And now she's dealing with this shit again, mixed with the potential of developing early symptoms of dementia.  So it's kinda hard watching her go through this phase of her life.  My mom and I are extremely close, and this is the first Thanksgiving that I have not shared with her.  I try not to harp on
this shit too much.  The reality is that my mom is still here.  Many
a nigga spent Thanksgiving grieving the loss of a loved one.  So,
I won't complain.  Just sharing.

And I don't know why the hell I even got shocked and offended that Gargamel tried to give a nigga da blues for goin to see her over the past few months and spending so much time with her.  I was mad at first, but I have come to accept the fact that the bitch is crazy and prolly dealing with some fukked up mental issues her damn self.  Nothing she does can shock me anymore.  The shit pisses me the fukk off.  But shocked??  Nah.  Fukk a Gargamel.  Psycho, bitch.  She needs some damn weed in her life.

Anyway, Turkey day was cool.  Went to see mom and spend some time with her.  Had dinner with the kids.  Then cried myself to sleep.  I think I just got overwhelmed with everything going on.  Don't get it twisted.....A nigga is still thankful to be in the space I'm in.  In fact, I can acknowledge the fact that being married to Gargabitch is making me fukkin stronger.  Hasn't been a great year, but a nigga is still pushin.  I'm determined to beat da shyt outta 2012.  Things are gonna get better.  I won't accept anything less.

Anyway, Black Friday.....Woke up, pissed, and looked to see if I was still black.  Yep.  Back to bed.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Nigga is Still Thankful.....

I was sitting downstairs in the "man cave" late last night.  Just sippin on some Grey Goose and thinkin bout some shit.  It occurred to me that the last couple of years have been rough as hell.  Gargamel gets da fukk on my nerves professionally, without effort or even a sweat.  Financially, I'm still struggling and don't know how I'm gonna get the resources saved up to leave a bitch.  A lot of shit has been fucked up.  But at the end of the day, a nigga has some phenomenal shit to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for three of the most beautiful, intelligent, loving, compassionate, and phenomenal children that anyone could ever hope for.  My oldest is in the process of getting ready for high school admissions.  My middle son is doing quite well in middle school.  My baby girl is the center of my world.  I live for those lil spics.

I'm thankful that even though Gargamel leans on a nigga's nerves every damn hour of the muufukkin day, I'm findin peace in the ability to just act like da bitch don't even exist.  I'm down here in my space chillin.  A nigga only responds if da kids call.  Fukk a Gargamel!

I am grateful for the things that you have done.....(OOPS.  That's a song by Hezekiah Walker......LOL)

I'm grateful for the connections that I've made through all of ya'll nosey muufukkas and bitches who like to read peeps' fucked up shyt.  Wouldn't have made it without all the encouragement you send daily.  Buncha nosey, retarded BITCHES.  LOL.

Raw Daddy, Cogito, Josh, Flowers, My Raleigh Bruh, Trey (ole bitch), and especially my nigga Emmanuel, thanks for holdin a brutha up. 2011 has been the worst year of my life, but I'm the better because of ya'll persistent ass muufukkas.  Thanks.


Now don't nobody send me a damn comment, email, or txt msg until da damn game is over.  SHYT.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Deep off in his Ass

Lovin this one. I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Deep off in his Ass

Friday, November 11, 2011

I'm Sick of This Bitch....

Just a brief post tonight.  I think the best way to sum my feelings up is to say, "I'M SICK OF THIS BITCH!!"  How da fukk am I gonna exist in this reality?  Gargamel and I are clearly over.  Shit, I'm at the point where I can't even stand to be in the same air space with her retarded ass.  I mean, a bitch is ALWAYS lookin to start some shit.  Always gotta have something to be upset, offended, or just bitchy about.  Da Fukk!!

I do realize that I made a decision to be with my children.  Maybe it wasn't the best decision for my sanity, but it is the decision I made.  But the reality is.....I'm beyond unhappy.  I hate living with someone who is not only unhappy with everything about me, but she doesn't even love herself.  I hate the fact that neither of us can stand to even have a conversation right now without it escalating into something stupid and dramatic.  I hate having to shut her down all the damn time, cause the bitch doesn't know how to talk to my kids.  I hate the fact that when I look at her now, I get sick to my stomach (not because of her physical appearance--she's gorgeous....but she's a mean ass, hateful bitch).  I hate the fact that when we are in the same room, my blood pressure shoots through the roof.  I hate the fact that I wanna slap da shyt out of her silly ass EVERYTIME I look at her. 

Oh well, that's the decision I made.  Gotta take the bad with the worse.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Brian's Home Part 2.....

I was a bit nervous about meeting with Brian.  Wasn't sure how I would feel.  He had put an interesting request out there.  Was I ready to "date" anyone?  A nigga was actually feelin some kinda way. I was trippin like shyt, and didn't even know what kind of date this was gonna be.  As far as I knew, Brian may have just been lookin for someone to chill with. 

I pulled myself together and decided, "fuck it", I wasn't gonna trip over this.  Brian is just anotha nigga.  So he was my first piece of ass, my first piece of dome.  It had been years and we barely kept in contact with each other.  "Nigga, stop actin like a BITCH"

 Brian gave me his address and asked me to meet him at his crib.  No prob.  I drove over to his spot, knocked on the door.  Was a lil nervous when he came to the door, but quickly got over it.  Brian opened the door.  Nigga looked the same.  Cute as ever.  He had picked up a couple pounds.  Shit.  All that Italian food and bread......a nigga could understand.  Nigga was still fine as hell.  Funny though......I didn't really feel especially excited to see him.  Kinda funny.  I was expecting to be head over heals over this nigga.  But.......nuthin. 

Brian had me leave my car at his spot.  He was the driver for the night.  Nigga just wanted to show off his high-priced convertible Lexus IS C.  Anyway, he was in the mood for seafood.  I was a bit blown when we pulled up at Red Lobster.  Da Fukk??? 

Dinner didn't last very long.  Brian ate like he had been starving for days.  He didn't talk much.  Nigga just ate, answered whatever questions I might have asked and paid the bill.  We got back to Brian's crib.  Of course, he wanted a nigga to come in.  REALLY???  We had just spent the last couple hours together and barely spoken for 10 minutes.  Now you wanna chill in close quarters??  Not feelin it. 

Clearly, Brian and I are in two different places.  Our first experiences years ago were incredible.  But I'm pretty sure I can say that I'm over him.