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Friday, August 3, 2012

Shit Doesn't Make Sense....

Sometimes I can't seem to figure this shit out.  The pieces of this puzzle don't fit together.  The answer to my questions don't seem to come, and when they do, the shit doesn't make sense.  Am I that bad of a person?  Did I fuck up somewhere along this journey?  Why doesn't shit ever seem to go well for a nigga?  Some of the questions I've been asking myself for the last few months.  Shit doesn't make sense.

I'm living alone with a place that has enough space to accomodate the kids.  Can barely afford that shit, but I'm in there.  Only working a part-time gig.  Not complaining, but keeping up with bills is harder than a muufukka.  Ministry is pretty much non-existent.  I don't do anything in church, except go.  A nigga is broke, hungry, and still tryna get used to being in a quiet house when the kids aren't there.

I won't complain about the shit, because I asked for it.  Gargamel has driven me fukkin crazy.  I got a pretty strong fukkin sense of dislike for that silly bitch.  When I see her, I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that confuses I bout to shit or throw up???  Either way, that is a problem.  DAYUM!!!  Now when we split, she decided to contact the pastor of the church that had a nigga employed part-time and share shit that only involved us.  Some of it true, and some of it not so true.  Nonetheless, the bitch played her cards right, because the pastor, my pastor, my "spiritual father", my friend, my "covering" (as we call it), gave me the boot.  No notice, no cut in pay.  "We don't agree with what you did and you're outta here."  Ironically, they wanted me to come to the church and not serve in the capacity that they hired me.  Did I mention that the church is an hour and a half away??  Come sit and do nothing after you just cut half of my annual salary?  Don't go find work elsewhere??? WTF?????  Miss me with that bullshit.  Does THAT shyt make sense??

Imma have to dedicate another entry that speaks to how my gross disappointment in the circus that we have turned the church into disgusts a nigga.  I know!!!  Cuz I was a part of the bullshyt.  Yeah......friends and ministry don't mix.  Cuz at the end of the day, muufukkas always judge you.  Mixed feelings about that situation.  I'll tell you this......we, the church, are some heartless bitches that hide behind our authority and make people feel bad for needing help.  That doesn't make sense!!

Anyway, I digressed.....

Every penny a nigga gets is going toward my youngins.  Wouldn't have it another way.  About to get another gig to make sure their education and other needs are taken care of.  Sometimes a nigga doesn't eat.  I might role through Kwasi's crib (see Kwasi:  My Ride or Die).  That nigga always makes sure I'm good.  Plus, he's my True Blood/Newsroom groupie partner.  If I don't go see him and there's nothing to eat, oh well.  My kids need there shit.  So when Gargabitch leaves them there with no grub, they call me.  And I do what da fukk I gotta do to make sure they eat, or get where they need to be, or just chill with me.

Now, I love providing for my kids.  But trust, shit is tight.  So at the end of the day, a nigga don't need Gargamel fukkin wit me.  WHAT MORE DOES DA BITCH WANT??  First, you get a nigga fired. And now a bitch is still fukkin wit me???  And why does she think that shit makes sense??

My car note hasn't been paid in forever.  Ask a nigga why.  Cause I own the car that bitch drives too.  I pay that shit and make sure my kids' needs are met.  Now I'm thinkin that's pretty muufukkin civil of a nigga.  So when I moved and the car company called the house lookin for me, I didn't necessarily expect the bitch to give them my new address, KNOWING THAT THEY WERE LOOKIN TO SNATCH MY WHIP!!  Only one bitch I know thinks that makes sense.  Silly bitch.... heard.  Shit got repoed.  Then the bitch wanna ask if I wanna borrow the car.  BITCH IT'S MY FUKKIN CAR!!!

So let's review...

Broke as shit.  No second source of income.  Now, no car and unable to get to my kids at will.  On top of that, depression doesn't even like my ass.  After three days of no sleep, I decided to take a bunch of pills (stoopid, I know), and a hit of vodka to go to sleep.  AND A NIGGA STILL AIN'T BEEN TO SLEEP!!!  WTF?????

Shit doesn't make sense.  Does the God I spent so long preaching about hate me that much???

Can't figure this shit out.  One of these medications is gonna work TONIGHT tho!!


  1. Man I don't even know what to say. I've been down and out and sometimes you just don't want to hear "it will get better" shit. Sometimes you want to just wallow in that shit until you're ready to get back up.

    I will say I am praying for you. Seriously.

  2. Dayumn... Something told me to check blogger once more before I laid down...

    You already know what I say about Gargabitch. Smh. I think it is HELLA selfish of her to inadvertently sacrifice things for yall's kids by fucking with your transportation/money. She's dead wrong for getting a nigga's balls repossessed. (that's Michigan slang for Car Repossession).

    But the scariest part is your (ex)pastor. For someone who you allow to be a Shepard, a spiritual father, a covering, over you -- to drop you like a hot potato over something that a lonely, bitter bitch tells him? Without even letting you defend yourself?

    Fuck they do THAT at?

    Not just pastors, but people like him in general, are the main reason why hoes like Potiphar's Wife can accuse a nigga of something, no questions asked. But Joseph still made it.

    You will too.


    You know a nigga's number. Hmu when yo medicated ass can't sleep. :)

  3. Wow bro!! Shit is crazy. Hate that you're going through that with Gargamel. But can you do us all a favor and leave the pills alone??

  4. Oh shit! I like this background, but you seem down, bro. Sorry to hear. Come to Brooklyn. Hang out, smoke, chill, cum, do whatever. Seriously.

  5. How can the pastor let go a man in these hard times? WOW!